So you start on your eternal quest for what is truth. You decide to enroll at a University since they seem to know a lot over there. You start at the Art department since its the prettiest building. You sit in a class but no one seems to be interested in giving any answers. People only ask questions for the sake of asking questions, as if thats the only thing to do. When you ask why no one tries to answer anything, they simply say “Not our department”, and then shove you in the direction of Philosophy.
You enter the Philosophy department. Everyone there seems to be proud and boastful of the questions they ask, as if they are harder, more serious questions than the art departments. But they are still questions. Not the certainty and answers you seek. When you ask them why does no one bother to answer any of the questioned ever asked, they simply say “Not our department”, and point you to the fields of Logic.
The Logicians seem to be mildly more helpful. You inform them of your quest for truth and seeing your failures in previous departments, they try to be helpful. They ask “Have you tried reason?”. You don't quite understand, so you ask them to elaborate, which they reply: “Not our department” and they set you off to the Natural Sciences.
These Biologists, Chemists, Physicists, and more, all seem reveled in your appearance. Each believe they are your answer. They pile you up with fact sheets and formulas about What they think is important. Bar charts and standard deviations. Correlations and Causations. Its almost what you are looking for, but not quite. You ask them, “Well this is awfully empirical, Don’t you have anything absolute?” Realizing they have lost a recruit, they say with gloom, “Not our department”. And they set you off to the Mathematicians.
The Mathematicians never do anything particularly useful, but every useless thing they do with absolute certainty. They study the useless truth that extends beyond a mortal lifespan and past the universes edges. They value answers more than questions, as those answers are the only truth in any world. You do a few proofs, and then you go home and play videogames for 13 hours a day.
Inspired by Dennetts “Cognitive Wheels”.